On making new friends
This is the six-rule guide to making friends anytime, anywhere and anyhow.
So I stumbled upon an article recently with funny memes about how we’re supposed to make new friends as adults. Although it sounded silly it did have me thinking about how the older we grow the harder it is to make as many connections as we did when we were kids. And this led me to wonder how the hell have I started my most recent friendships. And to the thinking of how I would proceed if new friends happened to come my way. So here’s a simple and sensitive six step guide to make a few good friends anywhere, anytime and any way.
1. Wish good things to everyone. Whether telling them you are or not, whether you already know them a bit or they’re still strangers, take a moment, a couple of deep breaths and a bit of genuine concentration to wish that person success, happiness and peace. Whatever than means to you or them, doesn’t mater, let that deep part of your soul wish them whatever is best for them, not for yourself.
2. Encourage them to find happiness. Spend your time with the friends-to-be wisely. And by wisely I don’t mean go in too deep, too fast. Take it slow and talk to them about the little things that make them happy. Hobbies, cravings, personal goals like exercise or learning a new language. Encourage their personal development as human beings by pointing out how important it is to make themselves happy. Make sure they’re on their way to something great, and make sure they know you’re there to have their backs.
3. Give a compliment. You would be amazed of how far a proper compliment can take you. Compliments are ways of telling the other person ‘I see you’ and I appreciate what I see. Telling someone, something honest about a thing you like about them, or that they’re wearing or pointing out something positive about a comment they made and you admired, that’s what’s important when starting a friendship. When you see the positive and beautiful thing in others it doesn’t only help you get closer to that person, but you are also recognizing the positivism and beauty within yourself. And guess what, confidence and love attract the same confidence and love.
4. Make them smile. Whether you’re the funniest friend to have at a dinner party or you are more reserved, when getting closer to a new friend there are dozens of opportunities to make someone smile or laugh. Whether a compliment or a simple joke, maybe a funny remembrance of your childhood or talking about a movie you’ve both watched. Having little private jokes bonds you in a relaxed way to someone else, and you begin to feel each other get close in an environment of simple comfort and bliss.
5. Help them feel comfy. My closest and newest friends have one thing in common, they make me feel like myself and I try to do the same for them. When we create a space of trust and we make the other feel at home, the real road to a deep friendship begins. Taking off your shoes, losing the formality, sharing something important on your life or paying the bill every once in a while are little things that go a long way. Make this new person feel like your there for them and you are happy to be their person.
6. Relax and they will follow. I have made good friends in airport lines, grocery shops, walking down the street and in the busiest music festivals, and all it took was (no, it definitely wasn’t my sparkling, outgoing personality, because I don’t have one) a smile and the beginning of a casual conversation. The key advice is this one: the moment you let go of all expectations and pressure towards others that’s when the knots untie themselves and something real begins to flow. People feel other people’s energy all the time. They feel attracted to the calm and easiness of a flowy personality. Whether you are super chill or a bit more uptight, you can always be perceived as a friendly relaxed person once you are aware of wanting to become one. And if there is one thing people admire more than a relaxed new pal is someone that is working their way towards it, because in the end, we all are.
This ain’t rocket science. Being nice to others brings niceness directly back into our lives, let’s start today.
Look across the room wherever you are and throw that one person infront of you a BIG FAT SMILE.