A quiet birthday + a new tradition
Actualizado: 26 oct 2021
I am sitting here on my 33rd birthday reflecting on what celebrating one’s life truly means. I thought for the longest time that it was about how people celebrated your life. I used to plan big and themed parties, filled with folks I didn’t even know much; I used to count how many congratulatory posts I’d get on Facebook and compare them to the previous year. I’d get anxious even opening my phone due to the expectation of my loved ones sending their love via text and this particular year a few minutes ago, while scrolling through my phone, I realized something big: I never remember people’s birthdays; I often forget to call them or text them because their birth dates are not ingrained in my brain. I am the worst when it comes to celebrating others and have so much expectations about others celebrating me.
I decided to make my birthday celebration a quiet one. To be completely open and receive all the love I get on this day but without needing it. I’ve decided I will write down the birthdays of every single person that I care about and make my year about showing up for them, celebrating them instead of waiting for my turn.
I have decided to fight against social pressure regarding birthday celebrations and treat this day as just a beautiful, normal day within my beautiful and normal life. And instead of making big plans I will do what I do best, I will share a bit of myself through writing every year, I will celebrate my life in the form of words, and hopefully of some wisdom.
At 33 I can finally say, I have never been more myself in my life. I am entering a space of freedom and ownership and confidence I never knew existed and I am ready to fight for it even with the most stubborn gal I know: my inner self. So this celebration of life comes in the form of 23 things I know for sure at 33.
No matter how big, how painful, or how uncomfortable anything ever is, life goes on, nothing stays, not even the deepest of physical, mental or emotional pains. This too, shall pass.
We spend our lives worried about how we look, how others perceive us, what we have and what we don’t and the things that really matter never cross our mind. Prioritize and make peace with how things are today.
I am ready to see the world burn before I abandon myself again. I’d rather burn relationships, bridges, and opportunities before choosing someone or something over myself.
We ALL need help most of the time and it comes in the form of a professional mental health therapist. Therapy should be mandatory, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Pay attention. If something doesn’t feel right no matter the person or the situation or the moment, listen to that feeling inside of you and follow the hell out of it. If I had listened to my intuition sooner trust me, I would have protected myself much more than I did and those whom I love, I won’t ever not listen to it again.
No one can offer you advice. Yep, I said it. No matter how kind they are in giving it, no one can ever truly understand your path and your past and yourself, so accept their advice with kindness knowing its coming from their experience not yours.
You are responsible for your own energy. You can’t go around blaming people for shit that happens: don't blame the outside for the way you decided to feel about what happened to you. You are in charge.
I’ve been heavily betrayed, my world has been turned upside down several times and despite of the pain and anger I felt at first, it literally only made me stronger and resilient in the end. You can take ANYTHING life throws at you and make it BEAUTIFUL.
Shame is a thing I carry with me. I'm ashamed to be seen for who I truly am and although I despise it, I have learned to love my shame and accept it, nurture it like a child and understand where it’s coming from. My utter self awareness has made me understand better how my body and mind work and I am grateful for it. Shamelessness is a new mantra I'm incorporating into my life .
I have a good friend, it’s called anger and it's the place I go when something unexpected happens, she shows up constantly and has protected me for years, and although she’s been useful, I am done bringing her everywhere with me, we are working hard to let each other go, I’ll let you know how it goes.
Being a mother is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done; the responsibility and love and fear is massive. Best thing that’s ever happened to me though.
Success, to me, is a life you feel proud of; it’s realizing in the small moments, that you are complete, that life has meaning, that you’re on your way. Success is peace.
Marriage is a bitch. But the love which you show up with, for yourself and your partner every single morning and the commitment to loving all over again the next day is what makes life less of a pain in the ass and more of a place to grow old with someone.
We get to live many lives within this one. We get to reinvent ourselves every time we know it’s time. I want to live 100 years of many lives instead of just one, I don’t ever want to stay the same.
People will disappoint you, betray you and surprise you with their own trauma and baggage; there is a word that will save your sanity and it’s compassion. Find within yourself compassion even for life’s biggest bastards, they’re the ones who probably need it the most.
Set limits like a mother fucker. Limits are the circles we draw around what’s sacred to us. Don’t be scared to make clear to others, that you love what you love and how committed you are to protecting it. People respect boundaries because they lack them and need them desperately too.
Don’t settle. If it doesn’t feel good ask yourself over and over what could be better? What are you missing, how can this moment be more beautiful and go get it. Call that person, forgive that deed, end that relationship, put some distance, walk in the direction of the things that make your life more beautiful.
Your body, weight, height, fat, hair, or clothes are not what you’re here to offer the world, and if anyone in your life’s made you feel like that: they are the wrong people. Leave.
Communicate. Tell that person what you haven’t come around to. The people with the most problems I have met in the last few years all fall in the same category of never speaking their mind or their truth or their feelings. I’d rather over share than keep it to myself. Communicating is showing respect to the other and to yourself.
Every feeling is valid; even anger and sadness. We are all humans and we are all meant to feel everything, to live a life full of feelings is, in my opinion, the only way to live life. Live a life-full.
Anxiety and fear and stress are part of the human experience, whether they control you defines everything else. I have panic attacks often, specially this year and after fighting them and feeling like choking I decided to hold space for them, touch my sternum and breathe with my anxiety and my fear as one; they haven’t stopped happening, I just feel less tired afterwards.
You are not inadequate, you do not have to be anybody else, or act like somebody else or abandon your true self in any possible way; your body and mind and soul are this world’s treasure and you must repeat this to yourself every single day even on the days you hardly believe it.
If you don’t even know where to start start with love. Love the fuck out of yourself and of humanity. I promise if there is anything that will ever make your day, month, year and life better is to L-O-V-E.